A Couple Lawyer Jokes

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful trial lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm sorry, I had no idea".
And the lawyer says, "If I didn't give money to them, what makes youthink I would give it to you?"

(from Dr. W)


An old priest was dying. He sent a message for an IRS agent and his Lawyer to come to the Rectory. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the priest held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The priest grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old priest would ask them to be with him during his final moment.They were also puzzled because the priest had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the Lawyer asked,"Father, why did you ask the two of us to come?" The old guy mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

(from C. R.)