Church Bulletin Misreads

Church Bulletins: Thank God for the church ladies who type them. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services...

The Fasting & Prayers Conference - includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks On Water"

The sermon tonight: "Searching For Jesus"

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today was canceled due to a conflict.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choirs robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some old ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5 P.M. - prayer and medication to follow.

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Ladies Bibe Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 A.M. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the Pancake Breakfast next Sunday.

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The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 P.M. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement Friday at 7 P.M. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 P.M. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

(from C. F.)