Friday, March 17, 2006

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding at the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

Monday, March 13, 2006

Ideas About God

A homeschool mom asked her kids to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:

God is like..BAYER ASPIRIN
He works miracles.

God is like...a FORD
He's got a better idea.

God is like...COKE
He's the real thing.

God is like...HALLMARK CARDS
He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like...TIDE
He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

He brings good things to life.

God is like...SEARS
He has everything.

God is like...ALKA-SELTZER
Try him, you'll like Him.

God is like...SCOTCH TAPE
You can't see him, but you know He's there.

God is like...DELTA
He's ready when you are.

God is like...ALLSTATE
You're in good hands with Him.

God is like...VO-5 Hair Spray
He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like...DIAL SOAP
Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?

God is like...the US. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.

(from C. R.)

Thursday, March 09, 2006


I myself suffer from PCSD (Politically Correct Stress Disorder), everyday is a constant worry.
The following is an examination of conscience for those struck with PSCD:
Was the chicken I ate a free range chicken or was it one raised in captivity?
Was the coffee I drank non fair-trade coffee?
Did I adequately reflect that I was living in a nation stolen from the Indians and built on the backs of slaves today?
How large did the ozone hole get when I cranked up my air-conditioning?
How many nonrenewable resources have I recently gone through?
Have I committed a mortal sin by driving a car with an internal combustion engine?
Did I think that Western Civilization was actually a good thing?
Did I condemn or think that same sex marriages were not beneficial?
Did I not repeat the mantra of choice, choice, choice over and over again?
Did I have the audacity to use a Styrofoam cup?
Did I place babies in the womb above whales and dolphins?
Did I not trust in Government to solve all of my problems?
Was I uncharitable by not not wishing that the rich were taxed more?
Did I not curse vouchers for sucking the lifes-breath out of our awesome public schools system?
Did I think that males and females are fundamentally different and not interchangeable?
Did I not say amen after a Hollywood celebrity pontificated?
Did I think that George W. Bush was actually legally elected President?
Have I not felt guilty for what a distant relative might have done today?
Do I miss the fair and balanced reporting of Bryant Gumbel?
Did I not think that Rush Limbaugh and talk radio is the scourge of humanity?
Did I rely on reason and not emotion to come to an opinion?

(from F. R.)

Friday, March 03, 2006

From the Pope

A quote from Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger before he became pope:

"I have a mustard seed; and I'm not afraid to use it."

(from F. R.)