From the Mouth of Douglas Adams

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped there wasn't an afterlife."

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."

"You live and learn. At any rate you live."

"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws."

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which."

Church Bulletin Misreads

Church Bulletins: Thank God for the church ladies who type them. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services...

The Fasting & Prayers Conference - includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks On Water"

The sermon tonight: "Searching For Jesus"

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today was canceled due to a conflict.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choirs robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some old ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5 P.M. - prayer and medication to follow.

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Ladies Bibe Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 A.M. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the Pancake Breakfast next Sunday.

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The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 P.M. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement Friday at 7 P.M. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 P.M. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

(from C. F.)

From the Mouth of Nathaniel Hawthorne

"I cannot endue to waste anything as precious as autumn sunshine by staying in the house. So I spend almost all the daylight hours in the open air."

"What other dungeon is so dark as one's own heart! What jailer so inexorable as one's self!"

"The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man inevitably confines himself within ancient limits."

"For my own part, having had much trouble in growing old, I am in no hurry to grow young again."

"Words -- so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them."

"No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true."

"Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

"What is called poetic insight is the gift of discerning, in this sphere of strangely mingled elements, the beauty and the majesty which are compelled to assume a garb so sordid."